


Figuring it out

by MoonySmith



Series: As You Are [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Greg, Sherlock's self-discovery, Tenderness, or at least Greg helped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21550957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonySmith/pseuds/MoonySmith
Summary: “Sherlock?” asked Greg.“You…” He closed his mouth again but for less time now. He licked his lips before continuing, "Do you want to be with me in spite of what I am?”Greg and Sherlock have been together for a while now, but there's still something that keeps bothering Lestrade the moments where they're kissing and getting into it, so he tries to find out —although not in the nicest way at first.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/Greg Lestrade
Series: As You Are [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573447
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	Figuring it out

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly TW: Greg's get a bit touchy in the beginning.
> 
> Sorry for any grammar mistake!

Sherlock and Lestrade have been together for a few months now, and Greg thinks that despite Sherlock's strange and particular personality, they had been able to adapt to each other perfectly. It was inevitable for Greg to feel a little more confident about the relationship when he saw how well it was doing to the —recently self-named, Consulting Detective.

There was only one small detail... The truth was that Greg tried to remind himself that it was just a small detail, when in fact it affected him more than he would dare to admit... It turns out that even after months together, the couple had never had sex as such. Every time they were in those moments where it would be considered natural for two adults who had already shared a good time together, to have their chance to finally become intimate in that way, something happened. For Greg it had never been a problem with his prior partners, it was something that happened naturally, and well, he enjoyed it.

Sherlock was the one who stopped all attempts to advance. And after that time, Lestrade had grown used to the excuses Sherlock gave him, which at first he believed, of course, but now, he couldn't stop thinking about it and what was the problem behind it. When they were finally alone in his room, he tried to touch his partner a little further, to make him feel with his little touches and caresses what he himself felt inside; to make him feel what he was provoking to Greg. But Sherlock just wouldn't let him. There were times when he would just pull away from him and stand up, telling him with a clear nervousness expression that he remembered he had left some unsupervised experiment in the kitchen of his flat and had to run there. Other times, and if Greg was lucky, Sherlock would slide one of his hands from his stomach to his pronounced erection and take care of him while they kissed until he made him come with only his hand. Lestrade couldn't deny that he liked that option. However, on other occasions, and perhaps one of Lestrade's actually favourites, Sherlock would not make up any excuse, just tell him that he wasn’t in the mood and would end up cuddled next to him with his head resting on Greg's chest, with the two men falling into a quiet dream next to each other, not much after that. Lestrade quite enjoyed those little moments between them. Sherlock wasn't exactly the kind of person who showed too much of his emotions, so if something like that happened, Greg could do nothing but caress the dark mop of hair and enjoy the moment, unable to help the smile from sticking to his lips as he let time pass.

That particular night, they were lying on his bed, kissing slowly; they had solved a case that had deprived them of one night of sleep and just a little time to eat with some fast food that they managed to get during some breaks. Sherlock didn't care, of course, but Greg was a little more normal in that matter and had certain needs... He kept thinking about some of those _needs_ now.

Lestrade had left his hand on the back of Sherlock's head so he could be the one to lead the control of the kiss and guide him in the direction he thought they would both enjoy. Sherlock was usually willing when Greg kissed him. And this time it didn’t happen too much time for the kiss to become something rather more hurried and wet, just as Greg himself liked before making love with a partner. God, he missed that level of intimacy with another person so much, and at that very moment, Greg wouldn't think that he would trust anyone else like he trusted Sherlock Holmes.

A hopeful Lestrade began to lower his free hand down on Sherlock's body, slowly sliding it from his waist, reaching without a problem into the belt of his trousers.

“Lestrade," Sherlock muttered in warning mode, separating his lips for a moment, and Greg couldn't avoid the sound of disappointment that came from the back of his throat when he heard it, but he obeyed and removed his hand from that place to bring it to the other man's chest instead.

It had happened a good amount of time while they continued kissing. Now Greg couldn't help but feel so warm and wanting, as always, to take things between them a little further. He thought that maybe Sherlock would accept it this time, so he tried to slide one of his hands down again, this time without stopping he went quickly to his goal and with little delicacy he pressed with his flat hand in front of Sherlock's thin trousers, but he instinctively moved away from him when he noticed that his partner wasn't even a little stimulated after his heated kissing session, as if nothing had happened.

Greg felt strangely sad but at the same time offended. Wasn't he able to turn Sherlock on? Was there a problem with him?

“Lestrade," repeated Sherlock, this time in a nervous murmur. But Greg ended up pushing away completely and stood on one side of the bed, staring at Sherlock in surprise and feeling the combination of anger and sadness rising from his stomach taking a place in his tight throat. “Lestrade, _please_.”

Greg continued to stare into his eyes, trying to see a little further through them. He shook his head. “No…”

“Lestrade, I…” Sherlock had knelt on the bed and was trying desperately to get closer to Greg, stretching one hand in the air, but he took a step back.

“Do you know how it feels to be rejected over and over by you, Sherlock?” Greg asked, bitterly in his voice, letting one hand rest on his chest. “God, Sherlock, I knew my age could be an impediment to this but I thought…” Sherlock began to shake his head nonstop, mumbling the other's name so that he wouldn't keep talking. “If you don't want this, you could be a little more honest with me, don't you think?”

“It's not about that, Lestrade. Please, don't even think it," he pleaded softly, but Greg lowered his gaze to his own feet.

“You can fool me into believing that you want to be with me to get free cases or whatever," Greg said quickly and without looking him in the eyes yet, "but I guess you can't fool your body into doing something you just don't want to do, Sherlock. Although nice try," Greg pointed to his room door with his hand, looking up, "I'm still an idiot and don't doubt that I'll call you back if I need help... You can go now…”

“Do you think that's what this is all about?” Sherlock suddenly spit out, “That I only approached you to have unlimited access to your cases?”

Lestrade finally dared to look at him when he heard how sorrowful Sherlock sounded. He swallowed hard when he saw Sherlock's crystalline eyes looking at him with such sadness.

He was about to talk, but Sherlock shut him up, “This bothers me as much as it does you, _Lestrade,_ " he continued, but Greg snorted mockingly and that's when Sherlock finally exploded for real, “What? Do you really think I wouldn't want to be able to show you how much I care about you and the way I know you want me to? I'm not an idiot, I've noticed it... But you're the only person I've ever felt…” Sherlock took a moment to breathe, but when he left a hand on his chest, it was the perfect sign for Greg to show him what he was really trying to say. “I just wanted to... give you everything, Lestrade.... and make you understand that... it's not a game for me, that I'm taking this as seriously as you are, that... I _care_ about you," he whispered and Greg had to quickly shake his head to get rid of the stupor.

But Sherlock didn't give him a single second before he got out of bed and left his room without looking back.

“Sherlock" sighed Greg.

He sat at the edge of his bed, looking in the direction of the door where Sherlock had just left. He knew that trying to talk to him now wouldn't do any good.

He had never gone through something that seemed so complicated with a partner before and really, to think of Sherlock's wounded expression made him feel guilty and his chest tightened.

How was he supposed to fix this?

\- -

A few days after what happened and Greg still didn’t dare to contact Sherlock, but he recalled in his head the sad face of the person he cares about and now had inevitably hurt.

He had taken the break a little earlier that day and was leaving the elevator on the first floor when he saw an old colleague walking almost beside him to the exit. She was one of the first psychologists he used to work with on his cases a few years ago.

“Greg!” She stopped as soon as she saw him and approached him to give him a warm embrace. “How have you been? How has life been treating you up there?” she joked nodding up at the ceiling. “I feel like I haven't seen you in decades.”

“Well, that's what happens when you get ranked up," he joked back, but Gillian understood and even smiling, rolled her eyes. "Are you busy? Why don't we get out of here and get up to speed on our lives?”

The woman agreed without hesitation, with a wide smile on her lips, looking as excited as Greg felt.

Greg would deceive himself if he said he hadn't thought about contacting Gillian after his discussion with Sherlock, hoping that maybe she would understand a little better what was going on between them. Maybe she would have a clue to be able to fix their relationship… He hoped there was still a relationship after all. He wasn’t ready to imagine his world without Sherlock, now that he knew that part of him, or at least thought that part existed if it was true that Sherlock wasn’t using him.

They went together for coffee and sat down on a bench that was brightly lit by the warm rays of the sun in the middle of a park near the Yard building.

Once they had finished summarizing what had been going on with them since the last time they saw each other, Greg couldn't hold back and talk to her about what was going on with his new partner.

“It had never happened to me something like this before," said Lestrade, followed by a snort.

“Greg,” said the woman softly, sipping her coffee before continuing, turning her head to his side so that she could look at him better. She frowned and took a moment before going on, “from what you're telling me, I think she might be _asexual_.”

Lestrade turned his head as well but staring at her in total surprise with raised eyebrows. He didn’t try to correct his old colleague with the pronoun because he meant to tell the story avoiding it before, but now what she said had confused him even more, he wasn’t sure he had heard that term before in his life, much less be sure what it would mean.

“Asexual?” he then asked in total ignorance, “Is that not something that plants are?”

Gillian began to laugh but didn’t last long when she noticed the serious expression on her companion's face, so she stopped and put a hand on his shoulder, shaking her head.

“A plant is _sexless_ , Greg," she gently corrected with a kind smile. “When I say that your girlfriend might be asexual, I mean that... “Gillian took another moment before she spoke again, perhaps thinking a little better about how to explain the situation to Greg, “Well, that she's not sexually attracted to other people, Greg. That would be the simplified meaning of it.”

Greg felt like a big bucket of cold water just fell over his head. He sat upright on the bench, now playing with his fingers around the coffee cup, nervously.

This was new.

“I know that right now you may think it's something against you; that maybe you're not the one and she just needs someone to... turn her on. But, Greg, you told me that in your discussion she reminded you that she cared about you and wanted to show it to you. I think it shouldn't have been that easy for a person like her. not many people are aware of that sexual orientation, but I think if you really care about her too, you should accept it, Greg. Of course, it's something you guys should talk about better.”

Greg nodded without thinking too much and took a long drink of his now less hot coffee.

“Are you all right?” Gillian asked after a few minutes of silence. In response, Greg only nodded again, and from the corner of his eye, he could see that Gillian had just looked at the watch on her wrist. “I only have a few more minutes before I go back. Is there anything else you want to ask?” Lestrade turned to look at her and shake his head.

They both stood up and walked together quickly back to the building.

“Gillian, thank you so much for... everything," said Greg sincerely before saying goodbye to her with a hurried embrace.

“Don't worry, Greg," she said with a warm smile. “If you're interested, you should do some research on your own on the Internet, I'm sure you'll find a lot more useful stuff to understand it.”

Lestrade nodded in response and as soon as he was on his floor, he hurried back to his workplace.

For the rest of his office hours, part of him was grateful that no case showed up on his desk and he only had to deal with the paperwork for the last one they had worked on. But at the same time that was a problem because he had more free time to think about what Gillian told him.

Greg wanted to investigate, of course, but he wasn't sure that a couple of searches on any kind of sexuality —or lack of it— would look good on his browser history, so he had to wait until he got home and worked on his personal one.

It was precisely for this reason that as soon as he left his office, he hurried to reach his lonely home, and right when he crossed the threshold of the door, he had almost rushed to his desk to take the old laptop he barely used now. As he turned it on, he wondered how he had survived the rest of the day with the anxiety to investigate the matter further.

He spent most of the afternoon sitting on the sofa in his living room with his laptop on the coffee table, reading and reading some sites and forums of the information he could find in the search engine. From time to time he would pour himself a cup of tea while he processed what he had just read.

He had seen enough websites to make his ideas a little clearer. The more and more he continued to read, the more he became convinced that this was what was happening with Sherlock. Many of the personal opinions were about the same people telling how they had noticed it and how it had given them greater clarity to know who they were and how to live their lives more peacefully with themselves.

 _This is so Sherlock,_ Greg thought every time he came across some feature that fitted part of the Consulting Detective personality perfectly.

He definitely needed to talk to him as soon as possible. He needed to show him everything he learned and tell him it was okay because Lestrade had it pretty clear that if Sherlock took him back, their relationship would definitely change in some ways.

Lestrade cared about him like no one else, he was sure of it. While researching, he wondered about whether he would be able to maintain a celibate relationship as long as Sherlock stayed by his side. But he wanted it.

He leaned back against the back of the sofa, noticing for the first time through the window that had already darkened outside. He would have to hurry if he wanted to find Sherlock still in his flat before he leaves to one of his own investigations with some indigents he had begun to see a few weeks ago.

He sighed heavily and stood up, put them the computer in the bag and hung it on his shoulder before taking his coat and keys in one move to get out of there quickly.

Once he was inside his car, he left the computer bag on the passenger seat and pulled the phone out of his suit jacket.

_I need to talk to you. Right now._

Luckily, the answer didn't take long.

_You can come if you want. SH_

Greg smiled in relief for a moment before he drove the car toward the apartment of who he really hoped would continue to be his boyfriend.

Sherlock opened the door and stepped aside to allow Greg to pass, but rolling his eyes when he saw him.

“I'm busy with something…”

“I just need you to see this," said Greg as he took out his computer and put it on the small table in the dining room, carefully removing some papers from it.

“What is it?” Sherlock finally asked, looking over Greg's shoulder.

“I've been doing a little research on something," admitted Lestrade, stepping aside to offer Sherlock the computer. He glanced at it with a frown before he moved to read.

They were all that time in complete silence as Sherlock checked the other tabs Greg had left open in the browser. Lestrade was sure he could hear his own heart pounding in his ears, too nervous to dare to say anything.

After a few more minutes had passed and Sherlock continued in silence, Greg decided to step away from him to take a seat on the old sofa, moving his leg impatiently. He startled when he heard a blow from the dining room so he immediately stood up, but before he could get there, Sherlock appeared with the laptop in his hands offering it to him. His face was totally inexpressive.

“Leave," he said coldly.

“What?” he asked as he received the device.

“Get out!” he shouted more violently, pointing to the door.

Greg tried to reason with him one more time but it had been impossible, Sherlock was almost pushing him out of the flat, so he had no choice but to obey.

When he was inside his car, he let out a loud sigh and squeezed the wheel tightly in front of him, doing his best not to scream, though he was certain that no one could hear him.

 _What had happened?_ He wondered while he drove back to his place.

Lestrade had barely been able to sleep that night, the image of Sherlock looking at him so coldly was repeated again and again inside his head, as if it were happening right now. Was he wrong about the whole thing? Maybe there was something else about Sherlock that Greg had never heard about and now he had just ruined the situation even more by meddling in something completely personal.

The days continued to pass and Greg had received no response from Sherlock to his apology messages. It was difficult for him to accept that perhaps the relationship he was beginning to enjoy so much had come to an end just as easily.

Lestrade had let his work absorb him enough not to think too much about what was happening in his romantic life. Unfortunate would be to thank the arrival of a new homicide for investigating, but part of Greg did.

It wasn't until the following week that the unthinkable happened when he heard the door of his house and a shy Sherlock Holmes had appeared below the door sill when Greg opened it.

“Can I come in?” he asked softly, and Greg couldn't believe what was happening. Not only had Sherlock shown up at his house after he had stopped writing to him, but he was notoriously nervous and embarrassed. That was new.

“Yeah, of course," he replied without hesitation, stepping aside to let him in.

Greg closed the door and the two stood, facing each other but not looking straight into each other's eyes.

“I--”

“Sherlock, I'm really sorry," Lestrade interrupted when Sherlock finally dared to speak and to look into his eyes, feeling truly embarrassed. “I shouldn't have gotten into that. I understand if you think it's best to break...”

“Would you let me talk?” Now it was Sherlock's turn to interrupt, looking at him back, Greg nodded slowly after mentally cursing, feeling more embarrassed. Sherlock hadn't bothered to take off his coat and that made Lestrade himself a little more nervous.

“Yes, I'm sorry.”

Sherlock looked at him closely, but giving up whatever it was he wanted to do, he rolled his eyes and sighed, but taking off his coat and hanging it behind the door for Greg's relief.

“The thing that... What you researched before…” Sherlock stopped to lower his head a bit, ”I think you're right…”

Greg gasped loudly before he put a hand to his mouth to cover it.

“Then... “He didn't know if he had to say anything else or if he would ruin it in any way, so he tried to remain quiet and wait for the other one to speak.

“I think... I must be that... Asexual, I mean,” continued Sherlock, keeping his chin still down.

Lestrade blinked a couple of times in his direction, but without being able to contain himself a moment longer, he took the remaining steps forward to barely stop a few centimetres in front of Sherlock and dared to grab him by the shoulders. Sherlock looked up immediately, his penetrating eyes watching him with fear.

“It’s alright, Sherlock. There's nothing wrong with you, you know that, right?” said Greg sure of his words.

Sherlock didn't answer right away, but he didn’t stop looking at him. Something in his expression implied to Greg that it wasn't what he thought of himself.

“I'm serious, Sherlock,” he reassured him when Sherlock's eyes tried to avoid his.

“Thank you," Sherlock replied softly.

Lestrade nodded and without hesitation once more, ended up embracing the younger, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. Sherlock didn't reciprocate, but Greg noticed how he had subtly let his chin rest on his shoulder.

“I felt strange when you showed it to me, I didn't react in a good way, I'm…"

"It's okay now."

"I'm not sure where this leaves us," Sherlock said once Lestrade separated from him.

“What do you mean?”

“You... I guess _you_ wouldn’t want to be with someone like _me_ , now that you know what I can't give you.”

Sherlock had spoken too fast and Greg knew well enough that this happens especially when the genius made a quick deduction to humiliate him or his team, or when he was too nervous to be able to speak normally. It was clear that it was the latter.

“Sherlock," Greg began to speak softly, he looked at him with a frown, "don't think I haven't thought about it these days. Knowing this about you helps me get to know you a bit better," he admitted. “It may be true that if I planted myself the idea of a sexless relationship months ago, I would have discarded it without even hesitating.” Sherlock avoided his gaze when he heard it, but looked at him again when Greg continued, "However, what you and I have, Sherlock, is far more valuable than anything else. And if you accept... accept me... I wish this would work.”

And with that, Sherlock fell completely silent for too long, as he continued staring at him. Greg had tried to be understandable, but the image was beginning to scare him. Sherlock barely blinked.

“Sherlock?” asked Greg after too long, trying not to laugh.

“You…” He closed his mouth again but for less time now. He licked his lips before continuing, "Do you want to be with me in spite of _what_ I am?”

Lestrade shook his head softly before coming completely closer to the other and grabbing him once more by the shoulders.

“I want to be with you exactly because of _who_ you are, Sherlock.”

Holmes did a grimace but the expression followed showed how happy Greg's words had made him feel.

“You're sure," Sherlock confirmed after observing him, but Lestrade still nodded.

“Can we just go back to what we were before?” asked Greg smiling.

“I think so,” Sherlock replied with a shrug.

Lestrade again embraced him but this time he was surprised when the younger reciprocated with as much energy as he did. That didn't last long though, but it was enough.

They were silent, enjoying each other's closeness.

“Thank you," said Sherlock so softly, that Greg thought for a moment that his ears heard badly.

“Although there's nothing to be thankful for, Sherlock. I want you to get that clear, okay?”

Lestrade pulled away from him a little to look him in the eyes.

Sherlock nodded and Lestrade smiled before hugging him again.

“Of course, we need to talk about this, I want to know when you're uncomfortable, Sherlock. I need to know what's right and what's not. I thought maybe I could make a list," continued Lestrade non-stop. He really got a lot of thinking about this whole situation during the days he couldn't talk to Sherlock. “Hugs. Kisses. Caresses; I need to know what the limit is…”

“Lestrade.” Now it was Sherlock's turn to pull away and look him into his eyes, “I'll let you know.”

Lestrade nodded and hid his face again on the crook of the shoulder of his still-partner.

They'd think and talk about what they'd have to talk about later, now Greg just wanted to stay like that for the rest of the night, Sherlock allowing him to hug him longer than usual. He was sure of what he wanted, or at least he knew that he wanted to be with Sherlock, to continue knowing that side that had fascinated him so much when he began to discover it. Besides, he'd had enough sex in his life... or was that what he wanted to think at least. Again, the lack of sex was perhaps just a tiny detail in their relationship because at least he could have Sherlock in more important ways. Later he would also thank Gillian for the information once more, he would also dare to correct her the pronoun and come out because he couldn’t be surer of what he wanted in his life right now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I think this is going be the first of a three-part series because I've been already thinking more about them in here...
> 
> By the way, this is one of those stories I write to make me feel better about myself, I wish I had someone who reacted as well as Greg did.


End file.
